Written by Taylor Lopez Boodooram, SSW

There’s a moment I witness often. Someone sits across from me, eyes glassy but unsure why. Their voice gets quiet, like they’re trying not to take up too much space. Then they say something like:

“I don’t know why this is so hard. Nothing that bad ever happened to me… but I still feel so heavy all the time.”

If you’ve ever said something like this (or even just thought it) please know: that weight has a name.

It’s called intergenerational trauma, and it’s more common than you think.

The Inheritance No One Talks About

We often think of inheritance as family recipes or strong cheekbones. But many of us also inherit silence, survival skills, and wounds we were never meant to carry.

Intergenerational trauma doesn’t always come with a headline moment. Sometimes it comes in the form of a story no one ever told. A shame no one ever explained. A fear you were born into, like a room you didn’t choose but have always lived in.

Maybe your grandmother survived war, migration, or betrayal. Maybe your parents learned to work through everything like grief, fear, hunger without ever asking for help. Maybe your family believes rest is laziness, emotions are weakness, and silence is strength.

And here you are now, trying to be soft in a family that only taught strength. Trying to be honest when generations before you had to hide to survive. Trying to feel safe in a world your nervous system never learned to trust.

That’s not weakness. That’s the wisdom of your body speaking.

You Might Be Carrying Intergenerational Trauma If…

• You constantly overthink and replay conversations, trying to make sure you didn’t do something “wrong”
• You feel responsible for everyone’s emotions, even the unspoken ones
• You’ve been called “mature for your age,” but it was really just early emotional labor
• You struggle to say no without guilt
• You love your family, but feel like a stranger around them
• You’ve achieved so much and still feel like it’s not enough
• You’re always bracing for something to go wrong, even during moments of peace

You don’t need a traumatic event to justify how overwhelmed, disconnected, or anxious you feel.

Sometimes the trauma isn’t what happened to you. Sometimes it’s what kept happening before you were even born.

Why It Still Hurts

Because your body remembers.

Even when your mind can’t name it, your nervous system has learned the language of survival: hypervigilance, people-pleasing, perfectionism, dissociation.

Your mother may have never said, “Don’t rest,” but you watched her work herself into exhaustion.
Your father may have never said, “Don’t talk about feelings,” but you learned early that emotions weren’t safe here.
Your culture may have taught you that being good means being quiet. That pleasing others is how you stay worthy. That your job is to make everyone else proud, even if it costs you your peace.

And so you carry all of it. Not just your own pain, but theirs too. Their fear. Their grief. Their silence. And your body holds it like a vault.

Here’s the truth I want you to know:

You were never meant to hold it all.

Healing Doesn’t Mean Blaming

When we talk about intergenerational trauma in therapy, some clients get nervous. They say, “I love my family. I don’t want to blame anyone.”

But healing isn’t about blaming. It’s about naming.

Naming the patterns that shaped you helps release the pressure to keep repeating them.

Naming the stories that told you who you were allowed to be gives you a chance to decide for yourself.

Naming the pain you inherited helps you choose what you want to carry forward and what you’re ready to let go.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing doesn’t always look like grand transformations or perfect boundaries. Sometimes it’s quiet and deeply personal.

• It’s noticing the moment your breath shortens and choosing to soften
• It’s leaving the dishes in the sink and reminding yourself that rest is not a reward
• It’s letting yourself cry, even when no one ever modeled that for you
• It’s learning that you don’t have to earn love through sacrifice
• It’s trusting that you are safe in your body, even when it still feels unfamiliar
• It’s creating a life that feels like yours, not just one that makes others comfortable

Therapy can be the place where all of this begins. It’s a space where you can say out loud the things you’ve carried in silence. Where your emotions have room to breathe. Where your body begins to unlearn the tension it thought was normal. Where you remember that your story didn’t begin with trauma and does not have to end there.

If This Resonated With You, You’re Not Alone

You’re not too sensitive. You’re not imagining things. You’re not broken.
You’re paying attention.
You’re waking up.
You’re healing what generations had to carry in silence just to survive.

That is sacred work.

At Manaaki Mental Health, therapy isn’t about fixing you. You were never broken. It’s about finding your way back to yourself gently, with compassion, and with room for all parts of you.

If this spoke to something you’ve never quite had words for, please know that you don’t have to carry it all alone anymore.

There’s space for your story here.
There’s space for your healing.
And you are welcome just as you are.

Book a session with me today. Let’s begin your healing together.

Manaaki Mental Health – Taylorsville, UT | In-Person & Telehealth Appointments Available