Written by Taylor Lopez Boodooram, SSW

You know that voice.

The one that whispers when you make a mistake. The one that critiques how you look in the mirror. The one that questions if you’re enough, smart enough, kind enough, strong enough. For many of us, especially women of color, veterans, and those raised in survival mode, this voice isn’t just a whisper. It’s a constant hum in the background of our lives.

We call it the inner critic. And while it may have started as a way to protect you, maybe even to help you survive, it often ends up doing more harm than good.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

If you’ve ever found yourself being harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else, you’re not alone. The inner critic is usually shaped by a blend of early life experiences, cultural norms, trauma, perfectionism, and the weight of expectations.

Maybe you were taught that achievement equaled love. Maybe your worth was tied to obedience, silence, or sacrifice. Maybe your family’s survival depended on you being strong, no matter what you were carrying. Maybe you served in environments that praised performance over pain.

So your inner critic developed to keep you “in line,” to keep you excelling, to keep you safe. It told you to be careful, to do more, to stay small, to not take up too much space.

But what happens when that voice becomes the loudest one in the room?

The Toll of Constant Criticism

When self-talk turns toxic, the effects aren’t just emotional, they’re physical too. Chronic stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, shame, burnout, and even physical symptoms like fatigue or body tension can trace back to the relentless voice of self-judgment.

You might find yourself overanalyzing conversations, holding back from relationships, or feeling disconnected from your body. You might spend so much time over-preparing or second-guessing that you’re exhausted before the day begins.

You’re not broken. You’ve been protecting yourself the best way you knew how.

But what if there’s another way?

Reclaiming Your Inner Voice

Compassionate self-talk isn’t about being delusional or pretending everything is okay when it isn’t. It’s about learning to treat yourself like someone you love. It’s about shifting your internal dialogue from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What do I need right now?”

Here’s what that might look like:

1. Notice the Critic Without Becoming It

Start by noticing when your inner critic shows up. Is it when you try something new? When you rest? When you set boundaries?

You might hear thoughts like:

• “You should’ve known better.”
• “You’re being too sensitive.”
• “You don’t deserve to take a break.”

Instead of pushing these thoughts away or believing them as fact, try saying, “Oh, that’s my inner critic again.” This creates space between you and the voice. You are not your thoughts. You’re the awareness behind them.

2. Name the Origin

Sometimes, the critic sounds like a specific person from your past, maybe a parent, a coach, a partner, a superior officer. Ask yourself: Whose voice does this sound like?

Recognizing where this message came from can help you release what was never yours to carry.

3. Talk Back, Softly

You don’t have to shout over your inner critic. But you can interrupt it.

When the critic says, “You’re failing,” you might respond with:

• “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
• “Growth takes time.”
• “This is hard, and I’m still showing up.”

At first, this might feel fake or awkward. That’s okay. You’re learning a new language, one of kindness.

4. Speak to Yourself Like a Younger You

Pull up a photo of yourself as a child. What would you say to her when she’s scared, tired, or overwhelmed?

You probably wouldn’t say, “You’re not trying hard enough.” You’d say, “You’re doing great,” or “I’ve got you.”

That’s the tone we’re practicing here. Therapy can help you reconnect with this inner caregiver and rewrite the scripts that shame left behind.

5. Let the Body Speak

Self-criticism often lives in the body as tension, headaches, or stomach aches. Your nervous system might be stuck in overdrive, always waiting for the next blow.

Gentle movement, breathwork, and grounding exercises can support your healing. When we work together, I guide clients through somatic practices that reconnect them to safety, even when the mind is spinning.

Your body isn’t betraying you. It’s been trying to protect you all along.

This Work Is Especially Tender for Women of Color

Cultural expectations can deepen the critic’s voice. Many of my clients grew up being told they had to be twice as good, never show weakness, and always put others first. This often means the inner critic carries not just personal pain, but collective weight.

We carry our mothers’ survival strategies, our grandmothers’ unspoken grief, and our communities’ hopes. We are told to be strong but never soft. To be ambitious but not intimidating. To hold it all together…quietly.

Learning to talk to yourself with compassion is radical. It’s also an act of cultural healing. You don’t have to abandon your roots to heal, you can honor them by choosing gentleness, rest, and care.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you’ve never been to therapy before, or if you’ve tried before and felt unseen, I want you to know: this space is different. You don’t need to have the perfect words. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to show up.

Here at Manaaki Mental Health, our work together will be a collaboration. I’ll meet you wherever you are with curiosity, not judgment. Together, we’ll uncover where the critic came from, what it’s trying to protect, and how we can help you feel more whole.

You’re not too much. You’re not behind. You’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

Let’s help your inner voice sound more like you. The real you. The one who’s worthy of kindness, softness, and healing.

Book a session with me today. Let’s begin your healing together.

Manaaki Mental Health – Taylorsville, UT | In-Person & Telehealth Appointments Available