Written by Taylor Lopez Boodooram, SSW

If you’re the eldest daughter, especially in a first-generation or immigrant family, you probably know what it feels like to grow up too fast.

You were the fixer. The emotional translator. The one who stepped in when your parents couldn’t. You helped raise your siblings, kept the peace, worked hard to make your family proud, and buried your own needs for the sake of keeping it together.

Now you’re older, maybe in your twenties or thirties, and still holding responsibilities that were never meant to be yours. You’re the one everyone turns to, but no one checks in on. You feel like there’s no room to fall apart, even when you’re emotionally exhausted.

If you’ve been feeling this way, you’re not alone.

And I want to tell you something important:

You were never meant to carry this much alone.

What the Eldest Daughter Load Actually Looks Like

This role often doesn’t have a name, but it shapes everything.

The eldest daughter load is the pressure to perform, provide, and protect. That pressure often goes unseen, but it lives in your body and your daily choices. It shows up as:

• Feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions
• Struggling to say no, even when you’re overwhelmed
• Always trying to make your family proud, even at the expense of your peace
• Feeling guilty for resting or setting boundaries
• Taking care of siblings, even into adulthood
• Suppressing your own needs so others can feel safe
• Being terrified of disappointing anyone

And here’s something that doesn’t get said enough:

Even if you’re not the oldest sibling, being the only daughter often feels like being the eldest.

You may have been treated like the emotional backbone of your family simply because you were the girl. Maybe you were expected to care for younger siblings, manage household responsibilities, or support your parents emotionally. Not because anyone was trying to hurt you, but because that is how many cultural households survive and show love.

For many of us, this wasn’t seen as a burden. It was just life. It was pride. It was loyalty. It was how we stayed close.

But here’s the truth:
Even if you gave that care freely and lovingly, it may have still left you without space to be fully cared for in return.
Even if it made you strong, it may have also made it harder to ask for help.
Even if it was your normal, it may still be exhausting your nervous system now.

Naming this is not about blaming your family or rejecting your culture. It’s about giving your inner child the space she may have never received. It’s about learning to hold your love for your family and your right to be supported, too.

You can honor your upbringing without carrying it all forever.

My Name Is Taylor, and I See You…Because I Am You

As a woman of color, a daughter of immigrants, and someone who knows the emotional weight of being the strong one, my therapeutic approach is to create the kind of space I wish I had when I was trying to unlearn everything I thought I had to be.

I work with women of color, especially first-gen and eldest daughters, who are ready to stop surviving and start healing. My approach is culturally grounded, trauma-informed, and rooted in both emotional and body-based healing. That means we’ll talk about what you’re carrying, but we’ll also tune into how your body is holding it.

You don’t have to perform in therapy.
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You just need to show up as you are.

What We Can Work Through Together

Therapy with me isn’t about fixing you. It’s about making space for the version of you that’s never had permission to exist. The soft one. The messy one. The one who wants more.

Here’s what we can explore together:

• Untangling guilt from your sense of self-worth
• Healing your relationship with rest, without shame
• Learning to set boundaries that don’t require a crisis first
• Processing grief around the childhood you didn’t get to have
• Releasing resentment without losing connection
• Reconnecting with your own desires, not just what others expect of you
• Understanding how nervous system dysregulation keeps you in fixer mode
• Naming family dynamics in a safe, validating space

We go at your pace. We honor your culture. We don’t judge your love for your family. But we do make space for you to finally come first.

What You Might Be Saying (Or Thinking)

If you’re wondering whether this post is really for you, here are some things my clients often say during our first few sessions:

• “I don’t know who I am outside of being the one who handles everything.”
• “I want to say no, but I feel so guilty.”
• “I can’t even rest without thinking about what else needs to get done.”
• “I know I’m burnt out, but I don’t feel like I have permission to stop.”
• “I feel like I’ll never be enough for my family.”

Sound familiar? These are not personal failures. They’re reflections of a role you were placed into long before you could choose differently.

Therapy gives you the oppotunity to rewrite that role.

You Don’t Have to Break to Start Healing

There’s this belief that therapy is only for when things completely fall apart. But many of the women I work with are high-functioning, deeply loving, deeply tired people who realized they shouldn’t have to fall apart to ask for help.

If you’ve been managing everything and still feel like you’re drowning, therapy is for you.
If you’ve been pushing your own needs down for years and are finally ready to come back to yourself, therapy is for you.
If you’ve spent your whole life tending to others and want to learn how to tend to yourself, therapy is for you.

What to Expect When You Work With Me

I currently offer weekly therapy sessions and am actively filling my caseload with women who are ready to prioritize themselves, many for the first time in their lives.

You can expect:

• A safe, affirming space that honors your culture, identity, and story
• Gentle pacing with no pressure to unpack everything at once
• Real conversations grounded in mutual respect
• Tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and boundary setting
• A therapist who’s been there and who sees you fully

I offer sessions in-person at our Taylorsville office and virtually for Utah residents. Together, we’ll build something sustainable. Not just survival. Not just getting through. But healing that lasts.

You Can Set It Down Now

You’ve carried enough.
You’ve held space for everyone else long enough.
It’s your turn now.

If your heart is aching for something softer, something slower, something sacred, this is your invitation.

Book a session with me today. Let’s begin your healing together.

Manaaki Mental Health – Taylorsville, UT | In-Person & Telehealth Appointments Available